Recently in Humor Category
Here's a piece of shit car even I can be envious of. Whoever owns this car must get tons of laughs. I really wanted to meet the guy who owns it too. A guy who drives this must have a hell of a sense of humor...and a funny haircut to boot I bet.
Sad news: George Carlin passed away on Sunday from heart failure. I can think of no words as to how I feel about this other than he will always be remembered. His humor has made a mark on my life and has influenced me in so many ways. He will indeed be missed.
So, to honor his memory, here is perhaps one of his best known skits, a little thing called "Stuff":
Today marks the 5th anniversary of when my wife and I went on our first date. My wife and I laughed because just last week "The Incredible Hulk" was released in the theaters. It's funny because we saw "Hulk" on our first date. Talk about geeky! Had "The Incredible Hulk" been released today we would have gone to see more or less the same movie we saw five years ago when we met for the first time.
My wife and I met each other on Match.com. When I tell people that they sometimes ask,"So online dating really works?" So to mark this anniversary I figured I'd talk a little bit about the experience of dating online prior to meeting my wife.
There are a bunch of online dating sites that are vying for your attention: Match.com, eHarmony.com, AdultFriendFinder.com (for those who wanna skip all the bullshit and go right to sex), and many others. I personally don't think any one of these sites is particularly better than the other. I picked Match.com because I liked the look and feel of it but mileage may vary on which site you like.
No matter what dating site you use, realize this: You will not find a perfect match in the first month! If you do then you are one lucky son of a bitch. I spent over six months on Match.com and went on countless dates before I met my wife. Online dating makes it easier to find people to date...but it doesn't make dating itself any easier. Some people might find an ideal match in a couple months but for others it could take six months, a year, two years, or more.
Bottom-line is that online dating does nothing but eliminate the hassle of having to seek out people to date. That's what you're paying these sites to do for you: weed out the crap and give you a list of people they think are a good match for you. Problem is that the human psyche is so complex that there is no way any dating site is going to give you that perfect list. Trust me...you're gonna have some weird ones on that list! This means you're gonna have some really bad and some really weird dates! I guarantee it!
This isn't the worst date I went on...but it was certainly the most memorable. And it was weird, really weird! I e-mailed this one girl and we chatted a bit on the phone before deciding to go on a date. She sent me her picture and she looked really cute and all. Didn't overanalyze her picture or anything and didn't think much of it. However, when I met her something just didn't stick right. She had straight long, black hair parted down the middle. She had really big, wide eyes and a small mouth. And she was rather pale, no, really pale.
I recall telling her on the phone that I was a pretty open-minded person. Later on in the evening she asked me:
"Jeff, you said you had an open-mind, right?"
"Yeah, I did. Why do you ask?"
"Well, I'm a wiccan."
"A what?" (I nearly spit out my beer)
"A witch, a wiccan."
Great. So basically I went on a date with Wednesday Addams. That explains her looks. She was a nice girl though. We did have a really good time and had really great conversation. Guess she just wasn't my type. (Gee, you think!?)
I can't really say anything bad about her. Not because I can't think of anything to say. I mean, I really can't say anything bad about her. I think she put a hex on me to where if I do my nuts get bigger. One of them is already a bit bigger already, which my wife tells me is perfectly normal...I think.
So I stuck with it and eventually went on a date with someone who would eventually become my wife. Our first date lasted a long time. We watched "Hulk", ate dinner at Abuelo's, and spent quite a few hours at Starbuck's talking away with one another. At the end of the night, we sat in my car and I introduced Sarah to one of my favorite artists, Eric Johnson. In fact, one of Eric's songs we listened to, "When the Sun Meets the Sky", inspired us to put an inscription on the inside of our rings to commemorate our first date. Mine has When the Sun... and hers has Meets the Sky. Kinda cool, isn't it!
Online dating isn't for everyone, but for those with a little patience it's a great way to meet people. I found a wife and a soulmate thanks to online dating. Maybe you can too. :)
Al-Qaeda targets net-connected coffee machine
An Aussie risk advisory services manager has issued a chilling security alert concerning the Jura F90 net-connected coffee machine, warning caffeine-heads that the hi-tech brewing device could open their Windows PC to exploitation by internet paedophiles and al-Qaeda, CNET reports.
Game over people! Just when we thought anthrax was a big problem, now we have terrorist Frappuccinos! That's the end of the world as we know it! What's the world coming to when even your coffee isn't even safe from terrorists!
OMG! This is so damn hilarious! I don't care which side you're on, Republican or Democrat, you have to admit this is pretty damn funny:
Ever see any of those unboxing videos? Check out the ones for the MacBook Air, WiiFit, and Rockband. There seems to be a weird preoccupation with this sort of thing. So, it should come as no surprise that Merlin Mann and Jeffrey Veen did a little unboxing video of their own:
Saw a sign the other day in a department store window that said "Sale on Women's Purses". Well, duh! Of course it's a sale on women's purses. How often do you see a sale on men's purses? Never. Cause the man purse just isn't something that's in style for the everyday man. Sure, you got your fanny pack...but that doesn't really count.
No man is going to carry a purse. Now, if he did, you'd likely see bragging rights and guys doing some crazy Tim Allen "Home Improvement" kind of shit with their purses. "Hey, Bob! Check out my new purse! It's a Gucci! Check it out, man!" (unzips the side) "Beer opener, stud finder, even has a full socket set in it!"
Let's not forget about the one thing that effects the economy more than anything. No, it's not gas prices. It's milk! Have you gone to the grocery store and seen the cost of a gallon of milk these days? Any higher and we'll definitely be in a recession! It's really impacting my desire to drink chocolate milk. At this rate, I may have to switch from Hershey's syrup to Quik!
Let's just hope the cows don't go on strike! If that happens then we're really screwed! Have you ever had that powered milk crap? It's horrible! So do everyone a favor...DON'T piss off the cows! And being that this is Good Friday, we might as well declare this Kiss A Cow day. I mean, really...who doesn't love a cow?
